


You Were Gone Before I Could Say Goodbye

by Katsudon_p28



Category: Figure Skating - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, lowkey everyone’s soft, protective!zhenya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24442375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katsudon_p28/pseuds/Katsudon_p28
Summary: Evgenia knew it the second she stepped foot off the plane. She knew it when she looked around at the terribly beautiful sight of a foreign country. She knew it when she remembered that soft smiles and determined brown eyes no longer accompanied her like they did when they were younger, and they most likely never would again.
Relationships: Alina Zagitova/Evgenia Medvedeva, Yuzuru Hanyu/Evgenia Medvedeva(platonic), Yuzuru Hanyu/Shoma Uno
Kudos: 35





	You Were Gone Before I Could Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [ladies, is it gay when you...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533964) by [wordsasweapons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsasweapons/pseuds/wordsasweapons). 



> My god, my medvegitova soul spurred me on this endeavor and I don't regret it one bit. Enjoy my pain medicine induced shot of pure fangirl mania.

The fan whirring above was comforting, well, as comforting as one would expect when their apartment had been cursed with the wails of a child. What made matters worse was that the source of this ungodly screeching was not a child, no, it was none other than Yuzuru Hanyu. It’s no wonder he looked so composed no matter how exhausting a program was, the man had a set of lungs larger than Russia. Of course, if he’d heard these thoughts he would protest that his lungs weren’t what was Russian, but rather Evgenia’s dramatic attitude. As of right now, though, he was scolding her for being too careless with her social media wandering. 

“How the hell is it wandering, it’s in my feed. I’m pretty sure checking it is the whole point.”

“You know that it’d be better to ignore it. It’d save you a lot of pointless moping and pain, Zhenya.”

She tenses at that, because she knows he’s right. Not thinking about it really would be the better thing to do since Evgenia obviously wasn’t making moves to fix any of it.

“Fine, I’ll avoid looking at my own damn feed.” 

She's half joking, but Yuzuru seems to be completely serious about this entire thing. Perhaps she should be as well.

“Good, if I have to, I’ll even delete all of your social media accounts.”

“Yuzu!”

.

.

The sound of skates cutting across ice calms Zhenya more than she expects. Heavy breathing and some song she can’t be bothered to remember are the only sounds filling up the rink. Evgenia actively tries to avoid these moments where she’s alone with her own thoughts, especially the ones worth mulling over at night. It’s because if it happens too often, it’ll all come back. If she stops pushing so hard and just rests for a moment, that laugh almost makes it’s way over. That terribly sweet and comforting laugh that used to only ever make an appearance for her. If it’s quiet, she can almost hear another pair of skates gliding gracefully towards her. This time, though, Evgenia knows if she turns around, that phantom memory will be gone, and she’ll be alone. So, she turns the music louder and pushes off the edge of the rink to the center. What else was there to do? She’ll spin and jump till she’s dizzy, dizzy enough to forget what _she_ would have said if she were here, anyway.

  


_You shouldn’t push yourself so hard._

_I know._

_You won’t stop, of course._

_And let you tease me for being old? Never._

.

.

“I don’t understand why we can’t watch Deadpool.”

“I swear to god Evgenia, I refuse to watch another second of some man in a skin tight red suit making poorly timed jokes while shooting people.”

“Those are the best parts! Besides, you wouldn’t mind Shoma being in a skin tight red suit.” She mutters jokingly, thinking he doesn’t hear, but when Evgenia looks in the corner of her eye and sees the faintest trace of red on her friends cheeks, she’s curious. But she's too tired to ask any questions, so she chalks it up to him just being annoyed with her. By the end of the night they're both exhausted without even having watched much, because sure, they were here, but their heads were far away. When the clock reads 3 in the morning she turns to her right and sees Yuzuru out cold on the couch, which really wasn't new. He'd come over, hang out, stay the night, then leave at the crack of dawn to do god knows what.

When she's turned off all the lights and made sure that Yuzu was comfortable on the couch, Evgenia shuffles silently into her room and collapses onto her bed. She hates this time of the night, it’s all quiet outside and there’s nothing to do but let her mind wander perhaps a bit too far. She remembers that night in Japan, after the Art on Ice show, when the smell of lavender burned her lungs in the best possible way. Evgenia had held her a little too close, too eagerly, that night. She remembers the hushed whispers in that hotel room, as though if they spoke too loudly they’d be caught. She remembers the stuffed animals and empty cartons of sweets strewn about the room. She remembers the way they spoke like they were running out of time, which they were she supposes.

  


_This is for you._

_Alina-_

_Take the bear, Zhenya. I want you to hold it, or just have it with you during competitions as a good luck charm._

_You’re my good luck charm._

_When I’m not there, idiot._

  


Evgenia had taken the stupidly adorable plushy then, and she held those soft hands and she’d kissed that spot above one perfectly sculpted brow. She should have felt embarrassed, but she wasn’t, because Alina hadn’t pulled away. So Evgenia held her tighter, as if in the morning she’d slip from her arms in more ways than one, but maybe some part of Evgenia knew that.

.

.

“Zhenya!”

A groan escapes her lips, followed by several other expletives as she struggles to get out of bed and winds up hitting herself on the head-board. She doesn't even need to look to know who had just pranced through the door.

“Gaby, what the fuck.” She grumbles as her stomach let’s out a growl.

“Are all Russians this rude?”

Evgenia snorts in such a way that reminds her of the hard jab to the ribs she’d have received if a certain Olympic champion had heard. Of course it’d be followed by quiet laughter and a soft smile.

“Only the truly gifted ones.” She replies.

Evgenia suddenly doesn’t feel as hungry as before, now. It has nothing to do with _that_ , though. She’d gotten over it and wasn’t about to let it infiltrate every second of her life.

“I’ve brought news-“

“Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?”

“Stop interrupting me, I don’t have to go to Japan just yet. Now-"

“You’ll be late.”

“Zhenya, god help me, I will arrive perfectly on time. Anyways, I’ve come to tell you that I found your favorite flavor of jam, the one that was discontinued, at the store today-“

Evgenia zones out after that. If it’s not aimlessly scrolling through various things on her phone or skating so hard she lays on the ice from exhaustion afterwards, then she won’t really pay attention to it. Of course, she could admit this is a lie, or, she could go on with this mission she’s assigned herself. Right now, half asleep and just empty inside, Evgenia doesn’t know, but she favors the latter.

  


_You can’t just skate away from me when I challenge you to a jumping duel, Alinochka._

_A duel? God, Zhen, you’ve been watching too much anime._

_Yes, and you haven’t been watching with me. Don’t be a coward in the face of greatness._

_You’re ridiculous._

  


“-to say anything?”

She zeroes back in on the conversation when she realizes that Gaby has said something that requires more than a grunt of acknowledgement as an answer. 

“What?”

And then she’s looking at her with those eyes, as if Evgenia were a wounded puppy that still licked its scars once in a while in hopes they would heal. An almost disappointed yet pitying sigh escapes Gaby.

“I asked if you would like me to say anything to her, you know, because she’ll be there.”

“I know that.”

She pauses for a while, if Evgenia saw her in all her glory right now she probably wouldn’t even be able to breathe. How could she pass on a stupid verbal note so nonchalantly like that? Then again, it would be less awkward.

“No, don’t say anything.”

“Zhen-“

“Gaby, I’ve gotten over it, just like she has. There wasn’t anything to get over anyways, we weren’t that close. We weren’t sisters, or best friends, or..or lovers. I- I left, I left and that’s that.”

A lump forms in her throat; she can’t quite manage to shove it back down. Gaby’s silent for a moment, as if she wanted to give Evgenia time to come to terms with everything. Even though she has, she’s gotten over it because it wasn’t that big a deal in the first place. She left, got ignored, and she never tried to do anything to fix that, now it’s over. And now, Alina doesn’t need her, Alina doesn’t want her, not like when they were younger. 

“Okay, I guess I’ll start prepping to head out.” 

Before Gaby makes it to the door Evgenia calls out her name.

“Will you just, just make sure she’s okay?" she tapers off as if she was murmuring a secret, "And.. you know, make sure no one makes her uncomfortable.”

A sad smile and a nod accompanies Gaby as she walks out the door. Maybe her and Alina have changed, and they’re no longer the confused idiots out on the rink together anymore. But, old habits really do die hard.

.

.

When Evgenia walks back into her apartment, the sight of one Yuzuru Hanyu sprawled out on her couch wasn't exactly what she expected to come home to. She calls out his name, but he doesn't seem to hear. He remains there, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling, barely even moving his chest to breathe in and out. She inches around the couch, wondering if she should ask any questions or just let him come up to her in a while. Evgenia chooses to maneuver her way to the kitchen to find the puffed rice cakes she has stashed away somewhere; what her coach didn't know didn't hurt him. She jumps a little when Yuzuru's voice breaks her out her reverie.

"How do you do it, Zhenya?"

She's confused then, wondering where Yuzu was possibly going with this. On the one hand, he could be messing with her in his own adorable prankster way, or, he could be about to say something that would require a bit more of the attention she was presently reserving for her rice cakes.

"Do what?"

"How do you go around each day knowing that the one person you love most in the entire world doesn't love you back, and they most likely never will?"

She chokes on her rice cakes as her eyes nearly bug out of her head. She has to focus on slowing the rapid thud of her heartbeat she can feel in her neck, between her ears, hammering in her chest. Yuzuru's looking at her now, as if he was caught between pitying her and wanting to fall into her arms.

"I-I..Yuzu, I don't love anybody, not like that, anyway.” 

He looks at her as if he was trying to decide whether she was stupid, or just a plain liar, he settles for a hesitant grimace and drops the subject.

  


Later, though, as they're eating takeout and re-watching Yuri on Ice together she can't help but wonder.

"Yuzu?" She hears a small grunt from her friend. "What did you mean this morning?"

He stops, eyes boring into the food they ordered as if he was contemplating a deep secret. With Yuzuru, though, he probably was. Everything's quiet for a bit, except for the screen in front of them playing on. When he finally tilts his head upwards, he looks just a tad bit broken and Zhenya has no idea what has just happened, but she was ready to kill whoever hurt him.

"Yuzu, I swear to god, i'm going to hurt whoever-"

"He doesn't love me.

Evgenia falters for a second.

"What?" She manages to whisper.

He turns to her fully now, and this time he doesn't look a bit broken, he looks shattered, and exhausted beyond belief. He smiles at her, a small twitch of his lip. He looks at her as if he sees everything about her that not even she knows. She hears a chuckle that sounded like it took way too much effort to even escape his lips, it hurts to see her friend like this.

"He doesn't love me, not like I love him. I don't think he ever will.

She doesn't even need to ask him who, because Evgenia knows, and she thinks everyone has for a long time. Everyone but the one person who actually matters.

"Yuzu-I, how do you know? Did you tell him?

A tired laugh fills the apartment then. "I don't need him to tell me, I already know, and that's what makes everything worse." He looks at his lap then, and the rest of his words come out like a timid whisper not meant for anyone but them to hear. "I _know_ him, I know how he likes his drinks, I know his favorite sounds and songs. I know the tiny curve of his lips when he sees something he loves, and I know it does that when he looks at me, but it's not in the way I wish it'd be. He doesn't love me like I love him, and I know that."

Evgenia leans into his side, then, and she just holds him as tightly as she possibly could. They stay there awhile, soaking in the fact that they were here together. It was comforting to know that no matter how many people they lost out of foolishness, or their own damned emotions, they had each other. She still doesn't get it, though.

"Why did you ask me that?"

"What? How you do it everyday?" She nods. "I know you feel the same, I know you don't think you do, and I know that when i'm done talking you still won't, but I know you feel the same. It's just a little bit worse for you."

She doesn't bother arguing because Evgenia knows this time he's wrong, of course he would never go without a fight. So instead, she tilts her head, telling him to go on. He laughs.

"You were loved back, that's why it's worse. Now you ignore it and you've done such a number on yourself that you've almost forgotten it all, but some bit of you knows that you were loved back. But you left, you left and you know that if you had done some things different you wouldn't have this empty feeling in your chest every time you see her.”

  


_Zhenya, let's go to the park after this._

_Alina, it's freezing. Why don't you come over and watch this anime I just started?_

_The park is practically empty right now, there wouldn’t be anyone to bother us._

_Then why do you look so nice? Are you planning on scouting out a hot mystery date at the park, Zagitova? I'm wounded, I actually have to share you now._

_Just come to the park with me, Zhen, we can look at the ducks together._

_Well how could I ever say no to my greatest fan?_

  


Evgenia couldn't ever deny Alina anything then, and she knows if she got the chance, she wouldn't say no to anything now.

"I-". She suddenly feels like crying now, but she won't. "I never loved her like that, and she never loved me." She insisted.

"Zhen-"

"Right? I can't have loved her, it's silly." Evgenia knows she's lying now, but Yuzuru doesn't say anything more and just pulls her into a hug.

"It's okay, Zhenya. It's okay."

.

.

Packing with Yuzu for their trip to the world championship in Saitama was an experience, to say the least. Where he rolled all of his clothes neatly into his suitcase, Evgenia tossed it all in and hoped for the best. Well maybe, she was a bit more organized than that, but not much more. She had a competition to worry about, she wasn't concerned about things like that. She was focused, and she was determined to win. Evgenia didn't care that _she_ was there, or that she wouldn't even look at Zhenya, or that she would give all her attention to Nathan and Shoma. No, Evgenia didn't care.

  


A few days after touching down in Japan and Evgenia was already exhausted to say the least. She’d stayed long after training ended every day because tomorrow she was going to get out onto that ice, and tomorrow, she was going to win.

"Evgenia! Go get some rest, you aren't winning anything if you can't even get up tomorrow morning."

She rolls her eyes at Brian's father-like tendencies, he was a great coach, but he was an even better supporter.

"Aye aye, captain", She snorts.

When she arrives at her hotel room she should've known Yuzuru was going to find some way to get in and sprawl himself over her bed.

"God, Yuzu, what are you doing?"

"I was waiting for you, I'm hungry, and we're going to go eat some sushi to drown out the pain of me winning silver."

She looks sympathetic for a second, then laughs, "Fine, you big baby".

.

.

"Split this roll with me."

"How can you still breathe, god, I think I'm dying. I'm not going to make it onto the rink tomorrow, I'm going to need you to wear a wig and skate for me."

"You Russians are so dramatic, now split this roll with me."

She's about to whine again when she hears it.

"Alina, let's get mochi after this."

"You can, if you want. I'm going to win tomorrow, and that means no sweets. I already feel guilty and I haven't even eaten anything yet."

"It's sushi! Even Shoma agrees its kind of healthy. What the hell are you-"

She doesn't hear the rest, because suddenly Evgenia feels like she's actually going to throw up.

"Zhenya, where are you going-"

Evgenia doesn't listen, because she's already out of her seat sprinting to the bathroom as discreetly as was physically possible. When had this all happened? When had everything become so complicated? Now, the sound of that soft voice can't be heard without sending everything Zhenya once knew rushing back. Hunched over the toilet, she realizes there are tears in her eyes, Evgenia doesn't know if it's because her dinner's making an early exit, or because of someones abrupt and completely uncalled for entrance. Shoving those thoughts out of her head, she slips down the side of the stall and onto the floor. Everything was happening too fast, Alina wasn't supposed to be here, it was too early. Zhenya hadn't even begun her personalized meditation in preparation of seeing Alina again. When she's finally sure Death wasn't about to make an early appearance she realizes one thing, she has to leave. Fumbling around for her phone, she texts Yuzuru that they have to continue this night in the safety of literally anywhere but here.

**We need to leave, please.**

_Why?_

_Oh. Oh shit._

**Yeah.**

_I'll pay the bill and start heading out, i'll tell you when i'm out and we can leave._

Evgenia stays there, mulling over her own pathetic behavior. Shoma was here, and Yuzu didn't act like he was going to hurl, but maybe that was because those two were at least still friends despite Yuzuru's one-sided revelation. She's alerted by the vibration of her phone that she could come out and make her silly grand escape. Pushing up off the floor, Evgenia moves to clean her hands before making her way out. She pushes the bathroom door open and immediately starts speed walking with her head down towards the other end of the restaurant. Except her name rings out and she just about wilts like a damn flower right then and there.

"Evgenia! It's good to see you, is Yuzuru with you?"

She turns around and meets Shoma's kind and curious gaze.

"Oh, no. I was just going to get some takeout for him and I".

"Well, since you haven't bought anything would you like to eat with us?"

She looks past his shoulder and wishes more than anything that she hadn't, because now Evgenia's not staring at her face on an Instagram post. No, now, she's staring at _her_ and those eyes, those terribly determined and soft eyes are staring right back. Alina looks as if she wants to say something, but Nathan cuts in.

"It's fine if you don't want to, but if you do, we can all catch up."

She barely chokes out an excuse before hurrying to the door with those eyes boring into her back.

.

.

"Are you good, Alina?"

"I'm fine."

"You should talk to her."

"She doesn't want to talk to me, Shoma. If she did she would have. Besides, it's fine, I don't really care.

"Alina-"

"It's fine, Nathan. Now let's eat so we can get some mochi."

.

.

When Evgenia finally makes it out of the restaurant she runs to Yuzuru and hugs him. Whether it was to comfort him, herself, or both, she doesn't know. So, she just holds on tighter and so does he. Loosening her grip, she pulls back to smile at him, and he smiles back. And for a second, they both let themselves believe they were okay, that they were fixing themselves slowly but surely. When they start silently making their way back to the hotel, they slip into a solemn understanding that only they could ever have for each other. It's then that Evgenia realizes something. Many things had changed from when she was younger, all except for one thing, Alina. Kind and strong Alina who she loves just as much now as she did all those nights ago in a small room in Japan. But, maybe Evgenia had loved Alina for a lot longer than that, and maybe Alina had loved her too.

  


The next day, Evgenia wins bronze, she should've known of course. Alina Zagitova would never let a gold medal slip past so long as she lived, and Evgenia had been so distracted she couldn't even snatch silver. Evgenia doesn't know whether to be slightly annoyed or in awe of that, so she settles for indifference. The podium is dead silent, neither one of them so much as look at each other. It's better she insists, it's better that Alina hates her because if the roles were reversed she would hate herself too. But, the roles aren't reversed, and Zhenya doesn't hate Alina. On that podium, she's closer to Alina than she has been in a very long time, physically anyway. She wonders if she should lean over and congratulate her, it'd be so easy, just an inch and the hairs on Alina's neck would shoot up the way they always did when Zhenya talked to her. She decides against it, though.

  


When she finally escapes the cameramen and reporters pushing to get a word out of her, she moves on to the press conference. Finding her seat along the row, she realizes that Alina is only two seats down. Two seats; if she really wanted to, Evgenia could look over and she might find those eyes looking right back. She doesn't look, though, instead she just blankly stares out at all the reporters until she's asked a question.

"How does it feel to fall short once again to your juniors?"

She half expects to see Alina bristle with rage beside her at the idiotic questions they sometimes got asked. Alina wasn't next to her, though, and she no longer cared about what questions Evgenia got.

"I'm still a winner." She should stop talking now, she should leave it at that, but Evgenia opens her stupid mouth once more. "Besides, I can't be too angry if I know the champion truly deserves to be called as such."

Well, there's really no going back once it's come out, so she leans back in her chair and slips a sweet smile over her face. To her left she sees Alina stiffen then smile ever so softly, of course no one notices because it was hardly even a smile, but Evgenia saw. Evgenia knew Alina in a way that couldn't ever really be erased or forgotten, Evgenia also knew that smile used to be for her. This one wasn't, it couldn't, so she assumes Alina was just remembering her own victory, or the loud congratulations Nathan Chen was sure to give when this was all over. With that thought, Evgenia turns away and goes back to staring at nothing in particular, missing the way Alina glanced at her.

  


The walk back to her room was quiet since everyone was down in the hall or still at the rink. Evenia wasn't happy, obviously, but she wasn't particularly sad either. She just felt empty for a while, but then the emptiness was replaced with anger. Anger she wish she could say was directed at Alina, but everyone including herself knew she could never be angry at the younger girl. Suddenly, she's broken out of her thoughts by footsteps, it takes her a moment, but then she's sure.

"What on earth are you doing?" It's the first thing Zhenya's said to her in a long, long time.

"I'm going back to my room, what do you think?" Evgenia stops walking and turns around at that. Alina's closer than she expected, her face was sharper, her eyes harder. Yet, she hadn't changed at all, her cheeks were still tinged with pink and her eyes were still kind, and Alina was still just as beautiful as she was back then. She realizes Alina's waiting for an answer and Evgenia's suddenly smugger than she thought was possible.

"I think you're lying, Zagitova," The other girl looks as though she's about to protest before Evgenia continues, "because I know that we passed your room a long while ago, and there's no one on this side that you know besides me."

"And how is it you know where my room is? Looking for me, Evgenia?” The way Alina says her name shouldn't affect her like this, but it does.

She softens, "looking out for you, actually."

Alina tenses up at that, "I don't need you looking after me", she spits out.

"I-I know."

And of course Evgenia knows this, she knows that Alina hasn't needed anything of her in a long time. She knows that Alina doesn't need her protection, or her friendship, or anything, really. Evgenia composes herself, there was no way she was going to behave like those people who kept living in the past and pretending that nothing had changed, because everything had.

She draws herself up, "Goodnight, Alina. Congratulations."

"Zhenya." She once again stops and turns around, tilting her head for Alina to continue.

"You always did that", the younger girl murmurs.

"I don't want to make small talk with you, Alina. What do you want? You've ignored me for almost a year."

Alina's face twists at that, and Evgenia wanted to take it back, she wanted to take it all back.

"And you left me! You left me, and you couldn't even be bothered to say goodbye! I woke up one morning and- and my best friend was gone!” She stops for a second, sucking in a breath before continuing. “I thought you would call, or message me, but you didn't. You just- you just left."

If Evgenia wasn't close to breaking down before, she surely was now, because Alina was looking at her like Evgenia was one of those reporters they used to rant about after competitions. She didn't know if she was more grateful for her well deserved punishment or broken, because Alina most definitely hated her.

"I was going to call, I was. But I-"

"You what, Evgenia? What excuse do you have now?"

"I figured there was no point", Alina scoffs at that, "I figured that- that you wouldn't want to hear from me. I figured i'd already lost you the second I got on that plane.

"You're a coward."

Evgenia knows that too. Words start bubbling in her throat and she desperately shoves them back down.

"When did you know?

“Alina, I-"

"No, Evgenia. Don't say sorry to me, I want to know, now."

Alina looks absolutely livid, and damn it all, Evgenia still thinks she's the most beautiful sight ever seen.

"Japan, wasn't it? You knew since Japan didn't you? Answer me, Evgenia!"

She can't open her mouth, she fears if she did she might say too much, so she settles for a nod. Alina doesn't look angry anymore, she just looks tired, and Evgenia wants to hold her but she knows she can't, she doesn't have that right anymore.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought that if I ignored it for as long as I could I'd have more time with you, and I wouldn't have to act as if it was all going to end. I didn't want it to end, I should have done something, but I- I just.. I had to leave, you know that. I had to. I didn't want to lose you, I never wanted to lose you."

"Well, you did, Zhenya, you seem to have gotten over it quickly, though. That's all right, I was just the kid who followed you around, wasn't I? The kid you felt you had to babysit, right?" She laughs then, and it hurts Evgenia more than she expects. This time the words come up in her throat and she's too tired to shove them back down.

"You were- you _are_ so much more than that, you always have been. You're everything to me, Alina. I-", she almost chokes on the desperation seeping out of her voice, "I loved you then, and I thought I could pretend I didn't, but I did. I do. I love you just as much as I did years ago. And- I never wanted to hurt you, and i'm sorry I did."

Alina looks like she'd been shot, and she looks like she's about to say something, but Evgenia can't handle fighting with her anymore. So she walks away, and she doesn't turn around when she hears her name ringing through the hallway once again.

.

.

It's 1 in the morning when she gets back to her room, and she sees Yuzuru there, waiting for her with some sweets they both knew they shouldn't eat. He holds her when she falls into his side and cries harder than she has in years. When the tears stop, and they're sitting in silence eating candy and watching television, she asks him.

"What did you hear?"

"Not much, only the bits where I thought someone was about to die." She nods.

"Tell me something good, something happy, anything."

"Shoma kissed me." Yuzuru has made a habit of making her choke on her food with every bit of information he gives her.

"He _what_?!"

"God Zhenya, the whole floor doesn't need to know about it.”

She's practically vibrating with happiness for her friend, her excitement dulling the pain she knows will come haunt her in the morning.

"Tell me what happened!"

"Okay, fuck, well, there isn't much to tell. He came up to me after your free skate, and we talked. He congratulated me on silver and he just kissed me, I couldn't even say anything."

"And what did you do? I need details, Yuzu, details."

"Nothing, he just went red then practically sprinted away"

"So typical of Shoma, he's such a timid guy."

"Yeah, yeah. Get some sleep now, we don't leave till the ass crack of dawn the day after tomorrow, we have to adventure starting in the morning."

And with that, he crashes onto the floor and not a second later his soft snores fill the room. Evgenia soon dozes off as well, pushing all thoughts of _her_ out for as long as she possibly could.

.

.

Soft knocking wakes her up, she's about to tell the person to go away when she hears rustling. Peeking one eye open she sees Yuzuru go to open the door, he looks groomed and ready for the day; he always did wake up before her. Evgenia's about to nod off once more when she hears that damned voice and suddenly she's sitting up rim-rod straight in her bed.

"Yuzuru, oh um, hello. Shoma's looking for you." The next bit comes out quieter, as if she was sharing a secret. "Is- is she in there?"

Zhenya sees Yuzu nod before he slips out and _she's_ walking in, and god, she looks like she hadn't slept all night. Evgenia immediately looks anywhere but at the figure standing before the door. Her eyes settle on the window not far from where she sat, and tries so desperately to ignore the pounding in her chest.

"You're still not a morning person".

She sounds nervous, why the hell does Alina, of all people, sound nervous? Evgenia keeps her eyes trained on the view outside.

"Would-would you like to hang out with me?"

Evgenia's head snaps to the side so quickly her neck lets out a loud crack and she grimaces. She's standing there in just her coat and leggings, looking so incredibly exhausted. And yet, she's never looked more gorgeous. Evgenia's then painfully aware that she's in a ratty shirt and her hair probably looks like a rat's nest.

"Today?" Alina looks as though she wants to roll her eyes.

"Yes, of course today."

Evgenia replies far too quickly, "Sure".

When she's finally dressed and doesn't look like she had just crawled out of the sewers, she holds out her hand. Realizing immediately what she'd just done, she retracts it so quickly it looks as though she'd just been burned.

"Let's um, let's go, yeah?

Alina smiles at her for a second, and she almost stops breathing. God, she's become a cliche.

"Yeah."

  


As they're walking around Saitama, she wonders if it'd be completely inappropriate of her to run away and die from her own embarrassment. What the fuck was she thinking? Telling Alina her dumb feelings, stupid, stupid, stu-

"Wanna go buy some more sweets?"

Evgenia almost trips at the sound of her voice. She blinks a couple times before she eventually stutters out an answer.

"Y-yeah, we should, um, yeah we should go do that."

Alina looks as though she's trying not to laugh and just leads Evgenia to another shop. Obviously she doesn't mind, Alina could be leading her to a terrible end and Evgenia would still follow her.

  


When they've wandered back to their floor Evgenia can't stop herself from blurting out the words she's held in since this morning.

"Why'd you hang out with me today?"

"Why'd you agree?"

Of course Alina would answer like that, evading the question just as she did when she was younger. And once again, of course, she chokes Evgenia up.

"I- you know why."

She's here again, the same place she was last night. Caught between wanting to run away and never being seen again, or holding Alina tightly to her chest like the last time they were in Japan. Evgenia doesn't do anything, though, she keeps walking, looking anywhere but at _her_. Until she hears a soft voice that she knows would haunt her for the rest of her days.

"Zhenya, Zhenya please look at me."

She does and she curses herself for being so weak. She quickly glances around the other girl and realizes they've arrived at her room which was sure to hold an enormous mess of gifts and sweets inside.

"I don't hate you."

"You should, I'd hate me if I were you."

"Well, you're not me. I- I could never hate you, not when I-"

"Would you like to come in?"

"I- okay."

She drops her things with a huff in the corner of her room and begins cleaning up slightly. Evgenia didn't need anyone knowing how much of a mess she actually was.

"You kept it."

"What?"

"The plushy I gave you that night, you know, in Japan."

Now, Evgenia really wishes she could run away, or better yet, some unknown force could knock her out the window and she'd escape everything forever.

"Of course I kept it, you gave it to me as a good luck charm. You weren't here, not like that, and it's all my fault, anyway. But, yeah, of course I kept it."

She desperately wishes someone would just shut her up now, she was rambling and rambling was never good. She looks to the side and sure enough, the bear plushy was on the bedside counter. Evgenia sort of wants to toss it out the window, sure, sometimes she held it in her sleep and she always brought it with her to every competition. And, yeah, maybe it was because it smelled faintly of Alina and she could almost pretend she was actually there, but Alina didn't need to know that. Alina didn't need anything from her.

"You don't-you don't need to stay here with me, Alina. I hurt you, and you don't have to forgive me, and we, uh, we don't need to talk about what I said last-".

"I love you."

Evgenia thinks her heart stops working for a second and she thinks that maybe Yuzuru was right, all those sweets she ate really would give her a heart attack. She just didn't think she was going to keel over and die right _now_.

"What?" She breathes.

Alina looks older than she remembered; braver, almost. That's ridiculous, of course, Alina's always been brave. Braver than herself, anyway.

"I think I always have, I didn't really know until that night in Japan when I gave you that bear. I sprayed it with my own stupid perfume because I thought that if you had it and it smelled like me you'd somehow love me back." She pauses for a second, smiling a bit at the older girl. "I was so angry at you, Zhenya, for leaving me. I didn't care that you didn't love me back, I couldn't lose you, and I ended up losing you anyway. But, I didn't hate you, not then, and not last night. You told me you love me, Zhenya, own up to it, because I can't handle you backtracking like a coward again when I've waited almost my whole life just to hear you say it."

Her heartbeat's thudding in her ears now, and she's moving before she even realizes it. That familiar feeling of soft and strong arms encircling her neck is greater then she remembers. She holds on to Alina as tightly as she did years ago, because this time, Evgenia wasn't letting her slip away.

"Don't leave again."

"I won't, god, you know I won't."

She breathes in the lavender field that she always smelt on her bear, but the real thing was so much better. She stops when Alina pulls back and she has half a mind to be embarrassed by her own clingy behavior until Alina whispers into her ear.

"Can I kiss you?"

Evgenia can't remember the last time she'd ever smiled so widely.

Alina's lips taste like strawberries and sweets, and they feel much softer than she dreamed they'd be. For once, she doesn't doubt her own happiness. Zhenya knows that this time, she isn't faking just so she can almost feel what it's like to be happy. No, this time she feels pure unadulterated joy rush through her veins and its because Alina's here, and she doesn't hate her, and she's holding her, and god, Alina loves her back.

.

.

They're laying on Evgenia's bed now, with Alina settled between her legs, leaning back into her chest while she plays with her hair. Evgenia texts Yuzu about how she needs him elsewhere for tonight only for him to tease her about her sex life which was not what was happening, and she made sure to tell him.

"What are you doing?"

"Texting Yuzu, why?"

"You're red as a tomato, you sure you and him aren't cheating on Shoma and I?"

"Cheating? Are we dating Zagi?" She chooses to tease the other girl a bit, and it pays off when she feels Alina tense in her arms.

"I-we, if you don't want-"

Evgenia holds her tighter, shaking with laughter.

"I'm kidding, I would like nothing more than to be able to say I'm dating the great Alina Zagitova."

"You're still so damn dramatic."

"Mm, maybe I am, you can't blame me though, I'm Russian."

"And what the hell am I? Asian?

"No, you're mine, and I'm yours."

She feels Alina burrow herself deeper into her arms at that.

"How moronic would it be for me to move back to Russia? Brian and I could video-chat, virtual coaching could be the next big thing."

"You're a fool, Evgenia Medvedeva."

"Yes, but only for you."

  



End file.
